Another Openin' Another Snooze

Since signing onto this grand vessel at the beginning of August, we have not stopped rehearsing our production shows. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of viewing or being a part of a cruise ship show, let me explain the process in a few sentences. Typically a ship show is between 45 and 50 minutes long, and it is a revue show that features a theme such as Broadway classics, Disco or Rock & Roll songs that the general public can fall asleep to after a buffet dinner of bacon and pie. On an average show night, we will perform the show twice, and some companies require a tech run the morning of a show. This particular contract we have learned a total of five production shows for our 15 day Panama crowd with an average age of 107.

I am pleased to announce that we opened our fifth and final show, Tribute, last night after 3 months on board. Tribute is a, well, tribute to such artists as the Beatles, the Rat Pack, the Beach Boys and Divas like Whitney Houston and Madonna. It’s a loud, fast paced Rock & Roll show that is meant to get the crowd excited and clapping. The show went well, but I made an observation that I have made at several shows and wanted to address once and for all. A plea to those who may one day be part of a theatre audience on a cruise ship, or even on land.

Please, please do not sit in the front row if you are going to fall asleep.

I think on ships the thrill of seeing a show is lost simply because there is no additional cost involved or ticket in hand. There is something about entering a Broadway theatre and having that ticket torn, realizing you have spent up to $120 to see a show that you have dreamt of seeing for years. Cruise ship audiences follow the daily plan, file in, order their tequila sunrise and realize that instead of Bingo, the stage is corrupted by singing and dancing. Their protest is to fall asleep right in front of us. They are alert for towel folding and vegetable carving classes, but watching professional singers and dancers doesn’t seem to impress some people.

I know this is just the curse of the ship. Some people don’t realize that they are in fact, watching professionals who have stellar resumes and training behind them. The number one question we get asked by the passengers is; “Have you ever considered doing this professionally?” For the record, I get paid to do what I love, and I am lucky to do that. As an added bonus I get to see parts of the world I may never have seen otherwise.

So the next time I look over and see a passenger fast asleep while I’m singing a passionate ballad in a bedazzled gown and oddly coloured wig, Instead of blaming it on ignorance, I’ll blame it on the bacon and pie buffet. I mean honestly, who doesn’t need a nap after that?